On Being Blocked

Right now I’m not blocked, but I’m not unblocked either. One of my roommates is going through some of what I’m going through and is looking to me for support. In small doses this is fine, but several days of it, and in close quarters, is too much I can’t deal with such a black pit of neediness.  I don’t mind being of service, but I can’t be the sole resource for another’s self-esteem. So I’m in my room, writing, waiting for the day to warm up so I can take a walk.

My roommate is definitely blocked, in what I call a causal trap. To his mind there is only one possible outcome to his situation, and it’s a bad one. He thinks that by avoiding the issue and shutting down that it will all go away. I am guilty of trying to pop him out of being blocked, when he simply wants to wallow in misery. So I join him, feeling frustrated. My work is taking more responsibility for my process, and leave another’s alone.

There are an infinite number of ways to draw lines between two points; it is possible to hold the present moment in one’s mind and see it with no judgments. Our negation assumptions about out comes block the good, but worse, block the now. The present is a safe place, where there are no blocks.

Being blocked is a desert, where all possibility ends and imagination is a void. I hate being blocked. It’s a deep depression, sitting with no ideas, a black dog. It’s a time when I’m vulnerable to any negative thought passing by. Keeping the needy roommate at arm’s length is explained. Isolation is not a very good thing, thinking it would be good to hear from a friend today.

A few minutes later I checked my email. An email from a friend was there <Hi Dawn!>, asking if we could have dinner and catch up. Being blocked is a place where there is a refusal to ask for what you need or what. So maybe I wasn’t so blocked at all. I need to reach out more, and productively, to break my blocks and isolation. I need to knock with conviction, I need to diligently seek, for it is the only way I can find fulfillment.

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