Gratitude and Surrender

Odd things are happening here, frustrating things. Rude recruiters like to point out the fact that I have not worked in two-and-a-half years. I have done the best that I could have, considering the multiple crisis’s that I have faced. In March I interviewed twice and did not secure either position, rare for me. I usually get the job if I am interviewed for it. That has evidentially changed.

My resources dwindle and I am fatigued by dealing with issue after issue. I feel ragged and alone. I’m selling many things in my horde, trying to raise some money. When will my fortunes turn? Now would be a good time. I have been robbed of my good cheer.

I know in my heart that I have no control of the how, of the path my future will take. All I can do is be present and grateful for what I have: A safe place to stay for awhile. Food. Transportation when I need it. Location. The wind blowing in the trees on a cloudless day. The beauty of the city as I behold her. Friends. Blessed accidents.

So my hard task is to surrender the intensity of my need to know the how, stay in the moment and be grateful in the same moment. Surrender is a wound is a wound that heals.

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