People

I’m not sure about people. I mean, most of the time people don’t bother me. The guy at the bus stop that talks to himself doesn’t really bother me = hell, I talk to my self after carefully checking I’m alone, that is. I’m not talking about bizarreness. I’m just talking about damn weird people that bother me.

Yes, I’m bitching about my roommates. While the three of us are similar – college educated, in our early fifties – our values are very are quite dissimilar. I’m the visionary that can see a great future or potential in any situation. I don’t like not having an income, and I look out for ways to make small amounts of money that tide me over and make life tolerable if not downright good. I think I’m quite rich in fact because I can write and feel that work has been accomplished. This is not something most people have.

I have to characterize both roommates as poor men, not just in material things, but chasing after opportunities, programs, and institutions that will keep them poor. Their mental outlook is all about what they don’t have, and being afraid that there will never be enough. In my experience poor people are fearful all the time. Being present is threatening, and the future is always dark.

I don’t buy into this mindset at all, and work hard to keep it this way. So it’s tough to be around the roomies. They are constantly concerned about the lack of things in their lives – money, food, opportunity. They refuse to honor the things they do have and refuse to take care of themselves, the place where we live or their pets in a meaningful way. My work is doing what I can, making people aware of work that needs to be done, holding those people accountable, and moving on.

I can sometimes use my mindset to push away things that I need that could help me. Should I allow pride to get in the way of getting benefits that would make my life easier and stretch my resources.? Pride can be a tool of shame, that I would rather suffer in silence rather than accept help in this hour of need.

Don’t be mistaken, though – despite my frustrations my roomies are good people. They believe that they, our house and their negative mindset should be mine, and when I disagree we come into conflict. The world is a big place and I know for a fact that it is a generous place and that it is no shame to accept that generosity with integrity.

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