I engaged in a little journaling exercise – putting my life into a grid – I realized that there is very little in my current situation that I want. I don’t want this room or house. I don’t want either of my roommates – I want to retain only one of them as a friend. I like the neighborhood but I need to move Downtown. I need an income. I need to do something I love and be passionate about. All in all I don’t want to compromise my life any further than I already have.
Anyplace I live has to be mine. If I put something down I don’t want it do move until I move it. I want only my food in the fridge. I want no cats or pets or anything in my house. I just want to be me. I want my TV, my computer, my software to be tailored to my expectations and tastes and no one else’s. I want a kitchen that is spotlessly clean. I want some kind of washer and dryer in my unit or down the hall or downstairs. I want the HVAC to work properly. I want no needy people hanging out with me, I want only people I know and love to knock on the door. I want no sociopaths in my life. I want my life and world to be clean.
I want to take something that I love, some idea, some story, some art I have created and make it bigger, make it real so that the whole world will notice. I want to mean something and want a few others t understand my meaning. I want to amass wealth so I can give it all away. I want to love ruthlessly and be loved passionately in return. I want to be true to myself. I want to live well and die happy.