Treading Water

It has been stressful here. I’ve had to go to St. Vincent DePaul to get a refrigerator, but their warehouse is open a very short span of time one day a week, and I have to find a truck that can handle it, which is almost as difficult as finding the fridge. Until I enter their warehouse I won’t even know if they will have any inventory. I’ve worked for not-for-profits and such inefficiency is typical.

The other roommates are solving problems through a thorough application of sloth and panic. They have had months to come to terms with overdue utility bills, yet now at the last moment there is a flurry of supplication to the Center Township Trustee to bail them out.

Today I had a man enthusiastically call me wanting to buy a ladder I have listed on Craigslist, then called me back a while later, deciding not to purchase the ladder after all. I don’t need the ladder, I need the cash I’d get for it. A very disappointing outcome.

Being unemployed is a crisis and as it grows in duration it manifests crises, multiplying like mice in a lab. Sometimes I feel that I’m trapped, thinking the opportunity that I’m looking for will never manifest. So I try harder and harder, getting angry and frustrated, yet what I really need to do is relax. I need to tread water in this bog, calm down, and take stock. I’m judging people, and being controlling too.

The opportunity that I’m looking for will come, maybe even self-made. I need to relax into it and not take this so personally. Calm, yes, that’s good.

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